The Language of Negotiation and Classroom Management
In her book, A Framework for Understanding Poverty, Ruby Payne discusses the correlation between word choice and student discipline problems. Payne uses Eric Bern’s work on Transactional Analysis to gain an understanding of that correlation. Bern said that each person has three alter ego states: the child, parent and adult voice. When two people communicate with each other, the voice that is chosen impacts the outcome of the conversation. A description of each is listed in the graph below.
The Child Voice*
Defensive, victimized, emotional whining, losing attitude, strongly negative non-verbal
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The Parent
Voice*
Authoritative, directive, judgmental, evaluative, win-lose mentality, demanding, punitive, sometimes threatening.
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The Adult Voice
Non-judgmental, free of negative non-verbal, factual, often in question format, attitude of win-win.
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· Quit picking on me.
· You don’t love me.
· You want me to leave.
· I hate you. You are ugly.
· You make me sick.
· It is your fault.
· Don’t blame me.
· You made me mad
· You made me do it.
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· You shouldn’t (should) do that.
· It’s wrong (right) to ____.
· That’s stupid, immature, out of line, ridiculous.
· Life is not fair, Get busy.
· You are good, bad, worthless, and beautiful (any judgmental, evaluative comment.)
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•In what ways could this be resolved?
•What factors are needed to determine the effectiveness, quality or _____?
•I would like to recommend ________.
•I am comfortable (uncomfortable) with___.
•Options that could be considered are ________.
•For me to be comfortable, I need the following things to occur _______.
•These are the consequences of that choice/action.
•We agree to disagree
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*A child’s voice is also playful, spontaneous, curious, etc. The phrase listed above often occur in conflictual or manipulative situations and impede resolution,
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*The parent voice can also be very loving and supportive. The phrases listed usually occur during conflict and impede resolution.
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Taken from the work of
Eric Bern’s work on voices
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Often individuals who take on the role of being their own parent at a young age often do not have all three internal voices. They have the child voice and the parent voice and are missing the internal adult voice. The adult voice provides the language of negotiation and this allows issues to be examined in a non-threatening way and that means those individuals are missing a key skill. Payne feels that when students fall in this category often those students have more discipline problems in the educational system.
Educators tend to speak to students in a parent voice, particularly in discipline issues. When the parent voice is used on a student who is taking on the responsibility of an adult, the outcome is often volatile. Payne explains that the child has to choose to respond with one of the two voices, the child or the parent. If the student responds in the parent voice the student will get in trouble. If the student responds in the child voice, he/she will feel helpless, with no control over the situation.
Students almost always choose to speak with a parent voice in this situation. The hidden rule of poverty that one must always show strength tends to compound the problem. When two people who speak to each other, both use the parent voice, there is an escalation that usually ends in a physical fight or the student receives disciplinary consequences. A student who lacks access to using an adult voice often gets in trouble in the classroom.
Teachers can help these students by teaching all students about the three voices. Students should have the opportunity to compare and contrast the differences in the three and to practice using the adult voice Understanding and using an adult voice can provide students with less time in the office and more learning time in the classroom.
Teachers find it beneficial to use an adult voice when addressing student discipline. Effective classroom management is dependent upon relationships of mutual respect. Intentionally choosing to use the adult voice is not only respectful, it also provides an example of positive interactions.
Ruby Payne’s work is often seen as most relevant to children of poverty, it is important to note that her work actually encompasses the mindset of poverty, middle class and wealth. Children of all economic situations lack the adult voice and as a result also lack the language of negotiation. All students benefit from instruction and practice of using the adult voice in the school setting.
A Framework for Understanding Poverty, Ruby Payne
